The past 2 weeks had been a hell of an experience for me. All the feelings i could onli imagine all suddenly become reality. From stunned to sadness, from anger to disappointment, from wanting to salvage the relationship to enlightenment. The first ever rollercoaster ride of feelings for me. Hmm, i wouldnt say it was a good experience, but like uncle said, maybe it's not so bad after all??

As mentioned above, after "enlightment", decided to really let go. Under going Adjustments(i think that wat's she calls it) to my life too. Used to spend thursday/fridays or actually any day with her when we're both free. Now gotta go back to single lifez, back when weekends were spent with uncle and bro, friends, walking the reservoirs/parks?

And my thailand trip is like just round the corner?? Flying off 9th july to phuket then 13th domestic flying to Bangkok then 17th back to Singapore. But it seems like i still have quite a bit of personal admin which i have yet to settle. Things like, packing, changing Thai Baht, Making new spectacles, re-dye hair. Wah there's so many things to be done. That being said, i really cant wait to go but it seems like our itinery is kinda packed too seriously. From snorkelling to banana boat, chilling out to clubbing to go karting sounds so a whole load of fun. Left out something, bungee jumping??!! I dun think i will do it. I thought 10 storeys was alrdy damn high but the bungee is 20 Storeys high??!! No way man. Life is not over yet ya. Dun do this kind of thing. =) (I rather take a corner at high speed at the go kart).

Oh yea and i decided to continue blogging after reading her archives and mine. I start to feel from blogging itself it's amazing to see how we, ourselves, were last time. It's like looking back at ourselves as we our life progresses, how we used to think abt things differently even the words/language we use. It will bring back memories which is precisely the point of blogging. Something which i had forgotten after a while =).

Haiz, I feel so sore now. I know i shouldnt be acting like this since we're alrdy considered broken up. But I really have to admit, I still care abt her. I think abt her, wonder how she is doing, missing her morning sms every morning. The more i think abt it, the more sore i become. Perhaps it has got to do with feeling disappointed ba. How could we have fallen so easily..But like i said, i still think of her. I guess it's normal cos we've been together for 1 yr and 2 months, shared good times and some bad times. But this is one of the really bad times lo, and i feel alone though there are friends ard. Maybe thinking abt how she's enjoying her life now will make me feel better??

From how it looks now, it seems like it will be very difficult for me to actually do wat i mentioned in my previous entry. It's just hardz...

Labels: Emotions

This is one of the few times in my life i get insomnia excluding events which made me nervous after living so long. The previous entry was probably the most emotional entry i have ever made. So unlike me but i guess it's just normal to be sad and everything when things doesnt go the way u wan it to, especially in a relationship.

Every nite since thursday, that fateful night, I had been struggling to sleep. I tried staying up damn late to make myself tired so that my mind wouldnt wander when i tried to sleep. I didnt even give it a thought that i was working tomorrow. I told myself i had to let her go although i didnt wan to. But the more i told myself not to think abt her, the more i thought of her. Thought abt how she was actually feeling, was she even sad that we're going to end just like this, or was she continuing life as normal cos i know this year and attachment is really important to her and it is not really a good time to be emotionally affected.

Yep so i thought and i thought, eventually got to the sofa. Looked at the night sky, thought back, slowly feeling the tiredness and eventually falling asleep. Amongst my sea of thoughts was how do i actually forget her, as we head towards a break up, which is like really, cruelly, confirmed. Then this idea came up, I thought of putting away everything that was associated with her, items, letters, pictures into a corner of my drawer. It seemed like a viable option, we all watched drama dont we?? I guess it is an option but onli as a beginning one. For u to hurt less as u see less stuff associated with her, thought less of her and eventually put her away into one corner of ur life after a few weeks? months? I dun noe. Only time will tell.

Maybe we shouldnt have thought so much into our future. We were planning to watch Hancock together and even have breakfast at NTU's macdonalds. Now that we're in this stage, all these plans are obviously, cancelled. Now, i dun even noe how i'm going to face her if i do see her inside ntu or out on the streets. Do i smile for we are still friends? Do i look away so that it doesnt trigger the pain i tried hard to isolate. I dun noe again. And to think that i was thinking of how i was going to accept her if she turned back for me. Now all that has become irrelevant.

That's the end of the post, triggered after lunch where i suddenly thought more and more of her until i really cant take it already and there u go another emo entry by me. So enjoy ur lives, treasure ur relationships, hold on tight to your girl and dun be a player guys. And yes I'm working now..=)